Loving Actions


12:04 PM 8/25/2004
- From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley



Finding Treasures in Trials...
Avoid the blame game. Don't beat yourself up over mistakes you've madeor personal losses or mistreatment you might have received. If you canavoid shame and blame, your recovery will be much quicker.

Honoring Your Wife...
When you honor your wife, she will sense that nothing and no one in theworld is more important to you. She won't have to wonder if she'snumber one--she'll know.

Honoring Your Husband...
Don't feel hurt and condemn your husband because he doesn't speak the"language of relationships" very well. To him, it's like a foreignlanguage. Instead, help him learn to use it as fluently as you do.

Learning to Communicate...
The salt principle is a method of gaining and holding a person'sattention by arousing curiosity. It's a way to create a thirst forconstructive conversation in which both you and your spouse can learnabout each other's needs. First, identify the need or concern to bediscussed, and then identify areas of high interest to the otherperson--areas you can tap into to pique interest.


Resolving Conflict and Dealing with Anger...
Because a woman's need for a close, meaningful relationship is oftengreater than a man's, she is more sensitive to words and actions thatcan weaken a relationship.

Increasing Your Intimacy 100 Percent...
Persistent love--like the dripping of water on a rock--can wear away aperson's resistance. It's nearly impossible to stay angry with oremotionally distant from someone who unconditionally loves and valuesyou.

Keeping Alive Romance and Security...
Design togetherness times that incorporate your spouse's interests. These may involve athletic events, musical concerts, museum trips, mealsout, fine arts and entertainment, vacations and so on.


Finding Treasures in Trials...
Allow yourself to grieve over any pain from discomforting experiences. Though I urge you to keep an optimistic outlook when confronted with anegative experience, it's still important to allow yourself to figureout what took place, analyze how it makes you feel, and sense the painassociated with the event. If you don't take this step, you can fallinto denial and stuff the feelings so deep that you think you've solvedthe problem.


Honoring Your Wife...
Honoring your wife means protecting her like an offensive linemanforming a wall of protection in front of his quarterback. In football,there are rules to protect the quarterback from injury. Honor is thebiblical principle God designed to protect each mate from beingunnecessarily injured.


Honoring Your Wife...
Your wife has "fences" that protect her privacy or need for emotionalspace. When you respect these boundaries, it shows that you honor herrequests.



Honoring Your Husband...
By diminishing your expectations--by not expecting your husband toprovide a level of fulfillment that only God can give--you free yourhusband of a burden you otherwise force him to bear, and you freeyourself from unnecessary disappointment. This doesn't mean ignoringyour needs or wants, just getting rid of your time limit andpreconceived ideas about when and how those expectations will be met.



Learning to Communicate...
Work to avoid judgmental attitudes like "How stupid!" Oh, no, thatwould never work" or "You'll never understand!" If you criticize yourmate in a condescending manner, you're actually pushing him or herfurther away from you. No one enjoys being with a disrespectful person(Proverbs 21:19).


Resolving Conflict and Dealing with Anger...
There are five keys or attitudes that open a closed spirit:
-Become gentle; demonstrate tenderheartedness. -Understand what the other person has gone through, listeningcarefully not only to what is said, but also to how it issaid. What has caused the anger?-Acknowledge that the person is hurting, and admit when you havebeen offensive.-Touch the other person gently.-Ask for forgiveness.


Learning to Communicate...
It's crucial that a husband listen to his wife's correction. Throughher, he can learn to how to love her as Christ loves the church, so thattheir relationship will blossom into the mature marriage God designed.


Resolving Conflict and Dealing with Anger...
Those men and women who are wise enough to reopen a person's spirit haveto learn to listen beyond the words to the hurt feelings behind them.


Increasing Your Intimacy 100 Percent...
No one can continually ignore considerate, loving actions. If you makeyour mate feel special, you increase his or her desire to do the samefor you.


Keeping Alive Romance and Security...
Meaningful touching outside the bedroom can create sparks in a marriage,and meaningful communication can fan the flames.

Resolving Conflict and Dealing with Anger...
Deep-seated problems don't vanish instantly. They require consistentwork by the couple and a reliance on God's strength for daily endurance.
creative ways to show your love and strengthen your marriage
Genuine love doesn't necessarily spring from feelings. Its basis isprimarily a concern for the welfare of another. Although the feelingsof affection will follow, genuine love is initially an action directedtoward fulfilling another person's needs.


Keeping Alive Romance and Security...
Romantic touching and hugging can convey peace and comfort, as well aslove. To the degree that we employ it with our mate, we remove theemotional threats that block intimacy.

Finding Treasures in Trials...
Avoid continual concentration on what you're losing or being denied in atrial. Try to think of what new opportunities this situation may bring,what you might learn from this obstacle, and what future happiness liesin store.